I hear it time and time again in my coaching sessions with parents: “My kid just doesn’t listen to me. They actively defy me. They do the opposite of what I tell them all the time.”

My response? “Congrats, it sounds like you have a strong-willed child. Welcome to the club.“

Strong-willed children are built differently. Most of my clients have strong-willed children – it’s what brought them to parent coaching in the first place. I’m able to help them develop strategies in their home to gain cooperation out of their kids. And cooperation breeds connectedness and harmony.

A strong-willed child is often characterised by their persistence, determination, and independence. Several factors contribute to the development of a strong-willed temperament in children:

Some children are naturally more strong-willed due to their individual temperament. Certain personality traits, such as persistence, assertiveness, and independence, can contribute to a strong-willed nature.

Parenting style plays a significant role in shaping a child’s temperament. Children may become strong-willed if they have parents who encourage independence, provide choices, and allow them to express their opinions.

Children who are given opportunities to make choices and decisions, even from a young age, may develop a strong-willed nature. Encouraging autonomy helps foster a sense of independence and confidence.

Positive reinforcement for displaying determination and persistence can reinforce strong-willed behaviour. When children experience success through their efforts, it can contribute to a sense of empowerment.

Early experiences, including challenges and successes, can shape a child’s temperament. Children who have faced and overcome obstacles may develop a strong sense of determination.

Some aspects of temperament are influenced by genetic factors. If there is a family history of strong-willed individuals, a child may inherit certain traits that contribute to their own strong-willed nature.

Parents who encourage critical thinking and problem-solving skills may contribute to the development of a strong-willed child. This involves allowing the child to question, explore, and express their ideas.

While strong-willed children may challenge authority, they also benefit from consistent and clear boundaries. Setting and enforcing boundaries helps provide structure and guidance.

Strong-willed children often display resilience in the face of challenges. Their ability to bounce back from setbacks and learn from experiences contributes to their determined nature.

Providing support for a child’s increasing independence, while still offering guidance, can contribute to the development of a strong-willed temperament. This involves allowing them to take on age-appropriate responsibilities.

It’s important to note that a strong-willed temperament can be a positive trait when channelled effectively. Strong-willed individuals often grow up to be assertive, confident, and capable leaders. However, it’s essential for parents and caregivers to strike a balance between encouraging independence and providing necessary guidance and structure. Positive reinforcement, effective communication, and understanding the child’s unique needs can help nurture a strong-willed child in a positive way.

If you have a strong-willed child, welcome to the club 🙂